Every so often, I’ll post a question on my Facebook page to capture the real thoughts of real people with AD(H)D. These are their thoughts.
What does it FEEL like to have AD(H)D?
Crystal Powe It feels like someone has turned on the tv, the remote is lost and someone has stepped on the channel button and the channel keeps changing constantly with out stopping!
8 February at 08:11 · Unlike · 8
Ruth Marquez Like I’m on a treadmill, running and running and going no where fast.
8 February at 08:16 · Unlike · 2
Keith Anderson I was diagnosed when I was 25 years old, when I was studying for a theology degree at university. I am now 31 and wrote this last year:
Individuals with ADHD essentially have problems with self motivation and self regulation. This is predominately due to problems with distractibility, prioritisation, organisation and procrastination. Adults with ADHD are often perceived by other to be chaotic and disorganised. They need high stimulation to be less distractive and function effectively.
Adults with ADHD will procrastinate, have difficulty making decisions, difficulty initiating tasks, difficulty completing tasks, seek constant activity, be impatient, easily bored, easily irritated, impulsive and can lose their temper easily. Although everyone displays these whether they have ADHD or not, for people with ADHD the condition is chronic. It is not unusual to deal with the above traits several times a day.
Between the vortex of ideas, the spaghetti junction of clutter/chatter, the voice of your sub-conscious and basic instinct. Life can be difficult and often confusing.
Sometimes the personality of someone with ADHD is harmless and they are fun to be around. Sometimes the personality is big and powerful, a dangerous idiot who doesn’t know his own strength and who takes risks. When they snap there anger can virtually have no limits. That person is me. I often want everything. Wherever I look there is something that I want, even if I don’t need it. For me, to want everything is to never be at peace, even when all I want is peace.
My ADHD mind chooses what I find attractive and distracting. It makes most of my mistakes. It is responsible (in part) for making me do stupid things and making me say stupid things. It often makes me look foolish. It is my instinct, my sub-conscious. It can often fill me with rage due to frustration. It is often everything I don’t want to be. One would think that I would hate it, but I can’t. I have to live with it and learn from it. ADHD and I are one. It is part of genetic make-up, the fabric of who I am and what I will be. I never asked for this, but this is the hand I have been dealt. Without it there would be a lack of emotion, no chance to start a fresh everyday. I pity it. I pity it because it hasn’t strangled the life out of me. One cannot hate what it pities!
It is often a life of paradox. I am often short tempered, idiotic, short minded, judgemental, egocentric, easily tempted and paranoid. Sometimes I need to reflect and see that life is so much more. I see things differently from others. I am often unpredictable, an enigma. ADHD should be caged within its host. Often ADHD has caged us. We need to wrestle with our inner being. Our inner being, instincts, soul, impulsiveness, sub-conscious (call it what you will) is our only enemy. It should be fought with reason over reflects. It loses most of its power over us when you understand it. To defeat it we must look for the beauty. Remember it can only look where you look and it can only see what you see.
8 February at 08:17 · Unlike · 16
Pam Goodlin A world wind of up and down days. Days that start off seeing, thinking or knowing what you want to do. A list that goes A,B,C, and D. Instead my list goes C to A to B. Than to the letter M whick was not on the list. Make a left turn at the letter K another turn to the letter T. Some how you found the letter Z on a list you have not thought of for days or months. At this point the letter D has now been put on a list that the letter Z was one. Which mean in days or months to come the letter D will get done. In the mean time it start all over again.
8 February at 08:20 · Unlike · 10
Gillian Black Mackenzie These are soooo helpful – I’m a Mom with 6 year old twin boys with ADHD and I am always trying to get them to explain to me what they are feeling. Would love to hear from some kids/tweens/teens!!
8 February at 08:24 · Unlike · 3
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero WOW!!!!!!! These are amazing…Keith Anderson, that’s so good!
8 February at 08:25 · Like
Val Gruen like a ferrarri with bicycle breaks….
8 February at 08:27 · Like · 2
Lala Loopylou FinchWasmills Keith anderson sounds just like my son he is all what he descibed!! My son says he is abit like a coconut while other people are strawberries!! Tough 2 crack sums it up nicely xx
8 February at 08:27 · Unlike · 2
I feel like I always have 10 or more windows/tabs open in my computer brain, and I can’t control which one is in front – they ALT-TAB at random. My browser locks up if they switch while I am talking to someone. In my head it makes a “zzzzhht” sound like a bug in a bug-zapper light.
Every so often I get a fatal error and a BSOD. Re-imaging my hard drive by going to bed/lounging on the couch doing NOTHING productive for a day to a week usually works, but then I have to catch up on all the tasks and e-mails I missed while I was down.
8 February at 08:29 · Unlike · 6
It’s like being on a Roller-coaster it can take you up high then down low if there’s a middle ground i haven’t experienced it yet i can say it can break down! but once it’s well oiled again it’s back on the same old Roller coaster fast brain slow brain what happened to stopping at the speed limit ? if you drive a car too fast you wind up in trouble if you drive it too slow it’s still as dangerous my brain works the same way unfortunately i lost the controls but hey i’m no robot anyway lol
8 February at 08:29 · Unlike · 3
AD(H)D is like driving in a snowstorm. The snow is coming at you from all directions. It’s hard to see. The wind is blowing you from side to side. Dodging tree branches in the road. You are doing all you can to keep the car on the road. Your mind is racing “please don’t let me break down” & “please don’t let me get stuck” All you can hear is the howl of the wind. It makes it hard to move forward with all the snow in the road, but you just have to keep trudging along. If you stop, you will get stuck. Around every corner, you hope to see the plow truck to know that you have help. It feels like you are battling this wild storm all alone.
8 February at 08:30 · Unlike · 5
Naomi McGrane I have lived many winters in Maine & the Nor’Easters are what I relate this too.
8 February at 08:31 · Unlike · 1
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero Naomi McGrane, it was so descriptive, it made me stressed out…lol!
8 February at 08:35 · Like · 4
Naomi McGrane I had described my life with that analogy when I was in high school, but I had no idea that it was ADHD until my son was just diagnosed last year. I just thought that was how life was, now I know & can start to help myself & him at the same time.
8 February at 08:37 · Like · 1
”Are You Paying Attention to What I’m Saying?
No. I’m paying attention to everything everyone in this restaurant is saying. The five tables around ours? Following their conversations. The person sitting alone? I’ve summed up why. I hear every clink of plates, process why they clinked, tell the mood of the waitress by how it clinked. I’m empathetic to the young couple and their misbehaving child. Aware of the angry looking couple that just got seated, all while thinking about the nagging fourteen issues I have at work while I process the words coming from your mouth.
“Why Can’t You Act Like Everyone Else?”
Why would I want to?
“You Gotta do it the Right Way, And by Right Way I Mean the Socially Accepted Way.”
I’d rather be dead. I’m no pencil pusher. Im not satisfied reading about Lewis and Clarks exploits in the newspaper. I gotta be in that canoe. See what no one else has seen. Go where no one else has gone. Your safe little frontier town, your little colony, they make me itchy.
I Resent being told to squeeze into your itty bitty box. I try not to, but it’s in my blood. Maybe you’re comfortable in the Known. I consider shackles, bondage.
“Why do You Always Gotta do Things the Hard Way?
Why do you always gotta do Things the Boring Way? Is it fear? Is it socially acceptable to walk around dead except for the breathing part?
For whatever reason I’ve got a legacy to create, a story to tell. That desires shoves itself up from the depths of my soul. A place even I can’t control. So quit making me feel stupid cause you’re “satisfied.”
You telling me to jump off a tall bridge?
“Why Can’t You Act ‘Normal?’”
Look, I can either spend the next thirty years beating myself up cause I’m different and see the world differently, I can destroy myself better than you could ever hope to by listening to my own self talk, or I can own the fact I was created this way for a purpose, refuse to let you and others like you limit my contribution to society, to my colleagues, to my family, wife and children, or you can get out of the way while I set the world on fire.
But really… You don’t get a say. This big bad world’s my playground and my ability makes me King of That Particular Hill. You’ll get your turn to pretend… after I’m done discovering.
8 February at 08:38 · Unlike · 11
Tracy Anderson Steichmann That list you ‘normal’ people run through in your head on Sunday night while going to bed — imagine that all the time.
8 February at 08:42 · Unlike · 5
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero WOW-FREAKING-ZA, Daryl Andrews! You all are so talented. I have goosebumps! Daryl, your post reminds me of a cool little ditty. http://staceyturis.com/2011/05/21/the-butterfly-of-freedom/
The Butterfly of Freedom
“Why do you fly outside the box?” “I fly outside the box because I can.” “…See more
8 February at 08:44 · Like ·
Princess Rosie Forbes Awudu Bonkers!!! Thats how it feels lol
8 February at 08:47 · Unlike · 1
Heather Toms Crompton it feels like you’re at the mall, last minute Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve every minute of the day….
8 February at 08:53 · Like · 2
Jennifer Napoli Daryl’s comments say it all!
8 February at 08:55 · Like
Sarah Garner wow Daryl just about sums it up !!
8 February at 09:01 · Like
Laura V. Veras
agree with all of the above…and sometimes, when i stop feeling sorry for myself, i just feel FREE. free to think (or not) the way i want, to jump around my mind/outer space as i wish, to notice the beautiful (or sad) details of life that no one else seems to notice, to enjoy silence, to enjoy chaos, to create things that were unimaginable, to get lost in the wonders of a complex puzzle, to get lost in the wonders of a simple sunset, FREE to go from one end of the spectrum to another without having to follow the “rules of thinking”, free to be at peace with myself.
8 February at 09:02 · Unlike · 3
Having ADD is frustrating and invigorating at the same time. I’m a 16 year old in a 40 year old’s body… on a good day. I shirk responsibility. I procrastinate like it is an Olympic sport and I am the reigning champion. I over-promise (with good intentions) and under-deliver. I am capable of absolutely anything, yet I accomplish very little.I have upset countless people and destroyed a few friendships and relationships with my ADD. I have stressed familial ties to the breaking point over stupid shit like not sending birthday cards… when I knew I was supposed to have sent them well over a week before the birthday. I’ve made grand anniversary plans, only to have to cobble something up at the very last minute because I waited until the day before to start implementing said plan. I could quite literally have any career I want… yet I am middle performer at a job I don’t particularly like.
But I am a 16 year old in a 40 year old’s body. I look at other people my age and think, “I’m… supposed to be like that? Yikes.” People regularly guess that I am 10 years younger than my real age. I don’t feel 40 when I wake up. I don’t feel 40 after a 20 mile bike ride. I don’t feel 40 after chopping wood all day. I don’t feel 40 when I wake up in the morning (of course… that could be because I’m not thinking of all the things a person my age SHOULD be thinking about).
It’s a mixed bag. There is so much about me that I want to change. But I know that changing those things would inevitably change the parts about me that I like… and that apparently others like, as well. Which is frustrating. I want to be ‘normal’ in respect to people’s expectations of me accomplishing the things they expect me to do… but I don’t want to change the things that make me who I am to begin with.
8 February at 09:03 · Unlike · 10
Steve Costello I’m an underachieving overachiever. That’s just… depressing.
8 February at 09:03 · Like · 3
Karri Deferio Ryan Steve Costello…i LOVE what you wrote!
8 February at 09:07 · Like · 1
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero
Steve Costello – Are we really underachievers when we aren’t overachievers in things that OTHER people find important? I mean, geez…who came up with that whole bday cards are the law thing. BTW, I’m sitting her staring at three now…one from August, October and December that I haven’t sent out. Those everyday normal things are not going to bring out our magic. That’s like asking an olympic diver to practice his skills by doing somersaults in a baby pool! WHAT BRINGS OUT YOUR MAGIC? If you don’t know…you need to start looking because time-is-a-wasting buddy, and you have something to offer that is IMPORTANT! You know that, and I know you know that. XO
8 February at 09:15 · Like · 2
Thanks, Karri. That’s an abbreviated synopsis of the whole bag of mess. I actually really connect with what Keith Anderson said a few posts up in his paper.
It’s a curse and a blessing. Most people just don’t get it. They think that what I do is oxymoronic. For instance… I obsess over intricate details in the work I do, whether that is the web development and design I do professionally, the woodworking I do as a hobby, or the flying that (I would like to do more often) as a passion. But stuff that does not capture my mind? Fuggedabouddit. Paying bills? HAH! If it weren’t for automatic bill pay (and now, my beloved and incredibly patient wife…) I’d be in debtor’s prison.
I only wish that I had been diagnosed when I was in grade school, and not when I was 37. At least then I would have had a better chance at establishing good habits to work with this ADD, as opposed to trying to break decades of bad habits and fighting against the ADD.
8 February at 09:15 · Unlike · 7
Maybe I’m just older, but at 30 I decided I didn’t have to live up to everybody’s expectations or tolerate the questions that start ‘Why can’t you….?”. If it hadn’t started happening by then, the likelihood of it ever happening would only get slimmer, so I took off on my own tack. Maybe not the best, but I stayed home to raise our kids–and the youngest, a girl, was very different from other people’s kids. What an eye opener. I got to see ‘me’ from inside and outside. Maybe people’s experiences with ADHD are genetically/socially transimitted differently, but she and I describe it this way; our brains just skitter away on quick moving feet and we spend so much energy snagging it back that we forget what we were thinking of (until we take that sudden left turn at K–Thanks Pam!) I was recently told by a dear friend that she believes that without the ADHD I would not be nearly the designer I am–all using skills developed while hiding from ‘normal’ people while raising the kids.
8 February at 09:15 · Unlike · 5
Steve: you are dead on accurate. Over promise… Over promise… Over promise. Then feel like a failure when you can’t help because you’re overwhelmed. I think that’s all of us. And that’s where we shut down and cycle into depression.
Guys and gals: we’ve become enslaved by being told we are taboo. Many of us that responded have twenty years experience with people’s fingers in our face. We are looking at this wrong, buying into the crap lies that we aren’t beautiful just like we are. That’s self talk, and we gotta own it.
We must… Because its time we changed the perception of the ADHDer. Rather than something to fear it must start in education, that ADHD-like thinking is the quickest path to getting out of this economic mess. The fastest way to innovation. But we are so beat down mentally we allow ourselves to be labeled disabled. We are so tired we don’t have the strength to fight. But imagine: what if education didn’t make us taboo, but acknowledged we are the path to job creation. That rather than contain us, we become the example, the way to break out of the box.
We are the explorers. We blaze trails. But if we are honest, we spend most of our time apologizing for who we are. Stop that crap. You’re a world changer.
8 February at 09:18 · Unlike · 9
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero Does anyone else feel like standing up and doing some serious Kung-Fu Kicks? No? Just me?
8 February at 09:21 · Like · 7
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero: When I say that I am an underachieving overachiever, I mean that I could, quite literally, have done anything I wanted to do. I have the brains to do it. Like most other ADD folks, I’ve been called brilliant and highly intelligent (that sounds like boasting, but I really am just repeating other people’s analyses). I have the ability to change the world in some respect, make a large impact on people’s lives. I’ve had chances to be wildly successful on the path I was on.
Much of that, however, I’ve squandered. I’m too old now to seek my passion (flying) professionally. So instead of someone paying me to do something I love, now I have to figure out a way to finance it myself.
This all sounds so self-centered, but I know I can’t be alone with these feelings. I know we all like to extol the virtues of having the wide open possibilities of having ADD, and I do truly appreciate many facets of it. But at the same time, it has truly been a curse in many respects.
Like I mentioned before… caught early enough, I think a person can be encouraged to work WITH the gift. I never knew enough until just recently, and have been fighting it… and still do… for decades. Those habits are hard to break.
Speaking of… I really need to get back to work. But… more than likely, I’ll just end up surfing the web a bit more… Thank God Pinterest is blocked here….
8 February at 09:24 · Unlike · 5
Graham Mc Carthy It feels lonely sometimes depressing having good and bad days and hiding in a corner shutting yourself out to others and pushing people away that love you
8 February at 09:24 · Unlike · 4
Oh, and before anyone thinks that I get overly depressed about this… are you kidding? My mind won’t stay on it that long. Oh, I will get into a serious funk when I’ve let someone like my wife down with something that I could have easily done better. But for the most part, it all rolls down my back, and I’m pretty much a happy guy all the time. One of the blessings of ADD, I suppose… my brain never stops long enough to truly get depressed over itself.
8 February at 09:27 · Unlike · 5
ADHD – Tales of an Absent-Minded Superhero
Steve Costello – I get it 100%. And I feel ALL of the feelings you feel, as I bet most of us do. It is hard to know what we’re capable of and not achieve it, it’s painful even – a quote from my book “I believe the world can be a better place; I truly do. But until everyone is allowed to be, and most importantly, celebrated for being the people they were destined to be, the doors leading to some of our most important riches and discoveries will remain tightly locked, and gifts that should have and definitely would
have been presented to the world, and widely celebrated by all, will remain behind those locked doors in a dusty box, hidden by shadows, untouched and unopened, as if they never even existed. Meanwhile, the soul, aware of its own magic, will move through life from birth to death, with every fiber of its being silently screaming that all is not as it should be. It’s heartbreaking,
and I simply can’t stand the thought of what humanity has already lost to those dusty boxes. ” OK – go work!
8 February at 09:31 · Like · 3
Ben Patton Fucking awesome!
8 February at 09:33 · Unlike · 1
Graham Mc Carthy you just have to take it day by day thats what i do
8 February at 09:33 · Unlike · 2
Henno Fourie Im so hdhd i cant evan read all your postes.il just do the simple thing…..what is it again abought pants.!and photos!?
8 February at 09:34 · Unlike · 1
Henno Fourie :-) im glad im not alone in the world..i just hope i have a way out of stress and tenss so i can sleap or happy dreams…….
8 February at 09:41 · Unlike · 1
Ida Solomon Durand
To me ADD is like living in a totally different culture than everyone around me. And about unpaid traFfic situations…I was arrested and held in customs for 6 hours coming back from my honeymoon. Everyone was frantically thinking something terrible had happened to us in Jamaica bc My inlaws (ex)were picking us up at the airport and we were nowhere to be found, friends called the resort they told them we had checked out and they had taken us to the airport. I was transported to the county jail and placed in a holding cell with 7 thugs that had just held up “long john silver” EX in laws had to bail me out of jail all because of an unpaid 75 dollar speeding ticket. And that is just one day of my life….I’m an interior designer in georgia, mother of two children but I’m the one that’s always in some type of comical trouble.
8 February at 10:02 · Unlike · 3
Miguel Angel Anaya
Been a ADDer is awesome is not been alone. is not having time to worry about things that destroy normal people..is been occupy with my few thousand thoughts per minute.and my 24/7 static sound in my head wich after all this years has become music to my ears. Been an ADDer is never been bore with only one thing..or one project..the Sky is the limit inside my head been an ADDer is awesome especially drug free…Thank you Lord for my ADD.
8 February at 10:16 · Unlike · 2
Linda Enright Out of control…all over the place…doing one thing one second and then something else another…not related. Having children who don’t understand MOM and that’s the hardest. It’s getting harder now with husband retired ’cause he can’t understand why I can’t focus in ONE thing at at time. Or maybe it’s also like having three cats, four dogs in the house at once!
8 February at 12:52 · Unlike · 3
I think it’s an important distinction to remember, think, and say that you HAVE ADD/ADHD, not that you ARE ADD/ADHD.
Why? Because you have it, it does not have you!
Also, random. So random. Do the best you’re able, enjoy it for what it is, laugh at it when it’s a pain in the butt, and to heck the haters.
Don’t ever let others that don’t understand it try to put you into a box labeled ‘idiot’, ‘lazy’, or ‘irresponsible’. I have an entire childhood (and some adult life) filled with remarks like that. Pity them, because they can’t understand it; don’t suffer their intolerance by believing them, because it just gives them the power they shouldn’t have over you.
And never dwell on it. Life’s too short for that. And besides, if you’re like most of us with ADD/ADHD, you won’t be able to for long, anyway.
tl;dr ADD/ADHD feels like however you want to look at it. And that can be very empowering. Mwahaha. j/k
8 February at 14:16 · Unlike · 2
Ronda Smithson It feels like life is jumbled on a daily basis, hard to control.. sometimes like a big failure and climbing always uphill.
8 February at 15:40 · Unlike · 2
Ronda Smithson Sometimes like a thousand people are screaming at you all at once and you can’t find a focus on any of them
8 February at 15:43 · Unlike · 3
I dont have ADD, but my now ex fiance does. @ Keith, loved your description and so very true of my ex too. As an outsider looking in…its very very difficult to understand. I have found there is no reasoning behind certain thoughts – to my non add brain, illogical. Its kind of like chalk and cheese…but it takes all kinds to make the world go around and I have been blessed in many ways to have had this person in my life, but the irrationality got too much
8 February at 15:54 · Unlike · 2
Leila Fraser Without my adhd medication, I feel like Carol Anne in ‘Poltergeist,’ the scene where she is sitting in front of the tv and staring at the static. It can also feel like falling down a well. I used to look at people and not be able to talk because I didn’t know what to say, my mind was racing so much in other directions.
8 February at 16:04 · Unlike · 1
I feel like someone else is pushing buttons on the remote control of my life. I will get stuck in pause for a while, then fast forward, then the volume goes haywire- all the wrong things are loud, and the person I am trying to pay attention to is on mute. Then the channels will change suddenly without any warning. Or everyone else in the room is watching one show, and I am on a different channel. And then I will meet someone else with ADHD and it is like an instant click because we are on the same channel!! For a while.
8 February at 20:47 · Unlike · 2
Brenda Carney Oh, and some times it is totally different from all that… And I am so focused that nobody and nothing can get between me and the project or idea I am immersed in.
8 February at 20:48 · Unlike · 1
Jenny Clark omg i think iv got adhd lol just like my son and husband i knew something wasnt right wif me lol x
9 February at 16:42 · Like
Casey Cates I feel as if I’m in a vortex. Being pushed, pulled, spun around, and sucked under all at the same time.
9 February at 16:45 · Like
Jami Hicks It’s like having a cloudy day in your head. I get so frustrated when I am saying something to someone and I can’t remember the main or last word…like someone turned off the on switch in my brain. I can think of great ideas and things I really would like to do, but no motivation.
9 February at 16:50 · Like
Steph Purdy It’s like riding on a roller coaster, regardless of whether or not you want to get off. And the people who are standing off to the side watching are saying, “um…no thanks…”
9 February at 17:03 · Like
Dillon Grant Richey Having ADD is like trying to catch a taxi, only the taxis are your thoughts; most of them zoom past you unnoticed. When you do manage to catch one, it’s one with a crazy driver who gets you somewhere faster than you expected, but you don’t always arrive at the destination you requested.
9 February at 17:11 · Like · 1
Jeannine Stanley Like your sitting on the tv remote and the channels are all going by and you’re trying to watch every channel at the same time!
9 February at 19:31 · Like · 1
Ava Parker The taxi analogy is great! I am so helped by this group as just reading that others have similar feelings & experiences helps so much.
10 February at 05:53 · Like
Caryn Shepler Like trying to ice skate with Roller blades and a bikini . . . arms & legs all akimbo, praying that you don’t break anything important in the process all while trying to not look like a totally deranged lunatic.
10 February at 11:00 · Like
Dawn La Mee
I HAD THEE ADHD PRETTY MUCH UNDER CONTROL UNTIL I HAD AN ACCIDENT WITH HEAD INJURIES & NOW SUFFER PERMANENT MIGRAINES & THEE ADHD IS BACK FULL BLOWN. SHORT TERM MEMORY IS A JOKE. ALOT OF PEOPLE THINK I’M DUMB, BUT UNDERESTIMATING MEE CAN BE THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE ;P THEY THOUGHT THEY’D GET RID OF MEE BY PUTTING MEE IN CHARGE OF THE KIDS, HAHA, WE HAD THE BEST UNIT OF THE YEAR FOR YEARS IN THE STATE. THEN WHAT? THEY MAKE MEE STATE LEADER 8) MY KIDS & GRANDKIDS ARE ALSO ADD/ADHD AS WELL AS MANY NIECES, NEPHEWS, & SIBLINGS. I SEE NORMAL CHILDREN BY WORKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS.
Julie Adams It feels like waiting for the rest of the world to slow down and catch up, all at the same time…
9 February at 16:57 · Unlike · 6
Amy Moore Brown My “meditation” comic describes it for me.
10 February at 08:36 · Unlike · 1
Life Coaching Empowers What a great for a blog post, I am interested to see the results you get!
10 February at 12:51 · Unlike · 1
Anne Lawson Denner I feel like its barrelling down a hill at break neck speed knowing you are going to run yourself right into the ground, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.